Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of a large sculpture in a museum. One sees sharp edges and dark shadows. The other sees smooth curves and light reflecting off the surface.
They start arguing.
“It’s harsh and angular…No, it’s soft and flowing…You’re not looking carefully…No, you’re the one missing it.”
From where each stands, both are truthful. The problem isn’t that someone is lying. It’s that each person mistakes their angle for the full 360-degree view of the sculpture.
Conflict works the same way.
We see our words as honest. The other person sees them as harsh. We think we're helping, but the other person thinks we’re taking over. Our intention is to be efficient, while the other assumes we’re impatient. We’re trying to stay calm, while others think we don’t care.
None of this means the other person is right. But it does mean there is more to understand.
People = Conflict
Where there are people, there’s bound to be conflict. At first, it may seem easier to just move on and find those who mostly agree with you. Sooner or later, you run out of people. And for some, moving on isn’t an option, such as a job you need or a family you care for.
No matter how smart you are, if you don’t know how to resolve conflict, everything is harder. Small misunderstandings grow larger, and relationships become strained.
Turning Inward
The moment conflict erupts, we typically turn our attention inward. We think thoughts like, "Why are they treating me this way? How do I defend myself? How do I get them to see my point?”
These self-protective reactions are human. But the more focused we become on our side of the sculpture, the less information we have and the fewer resolutions we can access.
Looking Outward
The goal in conflict resolution is not to abandon your perspective but to know it’s not the whole story. Learn to pull back long enough to ask: What might this look like from their side?
That one question can change the entire conversation. Instead of being defensive, be an information gatherer. Ponder their perspective: “What are they protecting? What are they afraid of? What if this is about them, not me?”
Discovery = Solutions
Investigating the other side, you may discover that what looked like resistance was fear. Criticism was frustration, control was anxiety, and indifference was overwhelm.
This doesn’t mean you excuse poor behavior, agree with everything, or make yourself smaller to keep the peace. It means you look closer before you leap.
When your goal is only to defend your side, the conflict hardens. But when you get curious about the side you don’t really know, you create room for something new: understanding, space, repair, compromise, clarity, or at the very least, a more thoughtful next step.
A New Approach
Try this the next time you’re caught in a conflict: pause and ask: What might this look like from their side?
Then listen. Not to prove anyone wrong or right. Only to widen the view.
Conflict rarely resolves when you insist on your view of the sculpture. It changes when you’re willing to step around, see more, and discover what was hidden from where you first stood.
You can do it.
Jo-Aynne
Knowing isn't doing. You can turn insight into action. 👇
Jo-Aynne Von Born, Leadership/Executive Coach
www.readysetmore.com
