Want More Influence? Give Others the Spotlight—Your Confidence Will Skyrocket

Sometimes the most secure person in the room isn’t the one doing all the talking. It’s the one who knows when to speak and when to let others shine.

I was at a social event recently, talking with a group of people I had never met before. The talk turned to travel.

It started simply enough. One person shared their special adventure. Then someone else chimed in with a little more impressive story. Then I jumped in with an even bigger tale to show that I had lived a little, too.

Sometimes that kind of back-and-forth is playful. We share similar stories, build on each other’s excitement, and say, “I know that feeling,” to create energy and connection.

Other times, it isn’t.

Before I could land my fantastic ending, someone cut me off with their larger-than-life-travel experience.

That's when connection turned to competition. Everyone in the group could feel it.

To Speak or Not to Speak

True confidence means not always needing to be in the spotlight. Confident people know when to step back to build bonds of trust between people.

So how do you assert your confidence in a balanced way?

Before taking center stage in a conversation or discussion, check whether your intention is to help others feel seen, validated, or understood.

If it is, then it's about connection, which deepens trust. People are more willing to be influenced by those they trust.

If your impulse is rushed, self-conscious, or driven by the need to one-up the other person, trust is weakened.

It's no secret that we all want to be interesting, to belong, and to matter. But confident people realize they don't need to win every moment.

The Downside of Competitiveness

When we compete in anything - sports, business, or academics - it can bring out the best in our abilities. Getting to that next level is a confidence booster.

However, when it comes to communication, being self-assured means being able to enjoy another person’s accomplishments or experiences without the desire to match or beat them.

If your confidence depends on being the most remarkable person in the room, it will always feel fragile. You won't always be the best. No one can.

When you allow others to shine, appreciating their journey as much as your own, your confidence is strengthened, and your trustworthiness and influence soar.

Share The Spotlight

The next time you notice the urge to top someone else's story or somehow redirect the attention to yourself, pause and ask:

What would build a bond of trust with others in this moment, sharing or listening?

The answer makes a difference in your confidence level and how influential you are. To lead effectively at work and in all areas of life, you must not only speak assertively but also listen without insecurity.

The most influential person in the room, and the most trusted, is the one who has the confidence to step back and let someone else have a turn.

You can be that person.

Jo-Aynne Von Born, Leadership/Executive Coach

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