Unlearn Stress Reactions to Unlock More Potential.
Stress doesn’t just make you uncomfortable. It can make you misread situations and shortchange your true potential.
When under stress, honest feedback can feel like rejection. Uncertainty a catastrophe. Conflict an attack. A mistake means you’re failing. A delayed response signals disapproval.
In those moments, the problem isn’t always the situation. It's the meaning your nervous system gives to the situation.
Pressure is a part of life. But when ordinary pressure feels like danger, your best thinking goes offline. You become defensive; everything seems urgent; you want to control or avoid; you become overly eager to please; or you become desperate to explain yourself.
Any of these sound familiar?
In these instances, you might think you’re being responsible, prepared, or careful. But often, you’re simply protecting yourself from a threat that isn't actually there...and hindering the enjoyment of your career and life in the process.
The Reaction Is Real. The Danger May Not Be.
The truth is, some stress is useful. It helps us prepare, focus, and take meaningful action.
But chronic, unmanaged stress does something different. It narrows our thinking, intensifies our emotions, and convinces us that discomfort is danger.
That’s where Dr. Howard Schubiner’s book, Unlearn Your Pain, offers a helpful lens. His work on chronic pain and mind-body symptoms is built around this idea: the brain can learn protective patterns that keep sounding the alarm even when the body isn't actually in danger.
In short, the pain and distress are real, but they come from a false signal in your brain.
What if some of our strongest stress reactions are the same? Just learned protection patterns that have run amok?
Unlearn the Reaction.
According to Schubiner, the goal isn't to pretend everything is fine. It’s to teach your brain and body a more accurate truth: This is uncomfortable, but it’s not necessarily dangerous.
When stress flares up, try three simple steps to revise the idea that discomfort is always dangerous:
1. Ask what’s really bothering you beneath the surface discomfort.
Is it the possibility of being wrong? Being judged? Losing control? Disappointing someone? Looking incompetent? Having an uncomfortable conversation? Not knowing what comes next?
Often, the surface issue isn’t the deepest issue.
2. Offer your nervous system a more secure message.
I can be wrong and still be competent.
I can slow down and still be in charge of this.
I don’t need to solve everything this second.
I can speak my mind without needing agreement.
This isn’t positive thinking. It’s accurate thinking.
3. Retrain your nervous system with repetition throughout the day.
I can receive feedback calmly.
I can face uncertainty with trust.
I can have healthy, productive conflict.
I can become smarter through my mistakes.
When you speak, your brain listens. Speak accurately and do it often.
Your next level of success might require more than just pushing, effort, or discipline. You might also need to address how you are treating stress as harmful or limiting when it isn't.
This week, notice one moment when your body sounds the alarm in a stressful moment. Before you obey it, ask yourself: Is this an actual threat or just an old protection pattern? That one question can create the space for growth to begin.
Your reactions to stress may be familiar, but familiar isn’t the same as accurate.
Remember that. Familiar does not always mean true.
Go ahead. Unlearn your habitual reactions. Your stress may not always be telling you the truth.
Jo-Aynne
Knowing isn't doing. You can turn insight into action. 👇
Jo-Aynne Von Born, Leadership/Executive Coach
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